“Nothing is impossible. Even the word itself says, ‘I’m possible!’ Audrey Hepburn
Having worked in acute care hospital environments for many years, I have seen just about every scenario one could possibly imagine. Some have left me with experiences of remarkable role models and resilient people that live amongst us; others have left me feeling sad for the painful experiences that people have endured, some which were so very unfair. One that you probably remember is the story of a young nurse and her husband who were injured during the 2013 Boston Marathon bombing. They had gotten married about a year before that race and were watching the runners come across the finish line when the homemade bombs went off. They were both injured with the husband losing 1 limb and the wife eventually requiring a double amputation. She went through many surgeries and rehabilitation to eventually learn to walk again with prostheses and return to her job working in an acute care oncology floor. A Remarkable young couple who worked through a devastating experience as an opportunity to deal with what was, seek out resources, review their options, and lean on each other for support. The young women focused on doing her best, to be the person she could be in a way that was radically different than she could have ever imagined. In the process she became a remarkable role model to so many who have experienced unimaginable loss and change. It is never easy, but it is possible.
On a different note, there was a patient I remember clearly, an older woman with cancer who was admitted with progression that was causing symptoms. After the work up it was determined that there were no further regimens that could treat her cancer for an extended period with improved quality of life. She had become weak, and it was hard for here to care for herself. She had been a mom her whole life caring for her boys as well as tending to the needs of the house and her husband. Her husband, who looked quite fit, decided that she should go to a nursing home. I struggled with understanding this. The one person who had taken care of everyone else in the family over the years was sent to a nursing home during the last chapter of her life. Having cared for many different types of people with cancer, I can say her needs were not complicated but that was their decision for her. It was one of several experiences in my career where I wondered, “who is supporting the care giver?
It is not uncommon in this generation that women are caring for their children as well as their ill parents while navigating their work responsibilities. If you have ever been in this situation, which many women have, remember that while we often are rallying around the children or the person who is sick, it is so important to also focus on our own needs or the needs of whomever is the caregiver who is also under tremendous stress, needs support and is doing this work without pay. It is no small task to be a caregiver and takes tremendous physical, emotional and spiritual energy to give in this way.
For women, focusing on our own needs often takes practice because while women may be ahead of men on this issue, as women we are often “other focused” and perceive that our own needs come last. We take care of our kids, our families, our communities, our parents, our friends, pro bono, all while doing this today in the midst of meeting our responsibilities for our career work and often forget to care for ourselves. This is what many of my breast cancer patients have taught me over the years. Many have said that they tended to focus on everyone else’s needs first and, when they did get breast cancer, they reprioritized what was important to them and realized that if they were to survive and recover from their cancers, they needed to focus on their own needs first. I often have suggested to caregivers, especially when they are caring for loved ones who have intense needs, that no matter what, as caregivers they need to give themselves at LEAST 20-30 minutes of “me time” each day to ensure that they have the energy and stamina for the long term, otherwise it is too easy to get burned out.
Think of that “me time” as your lifeline nourishing your body, mind, heart and spirit so you have the energy to do what you need and want to do for those you love that need your help. It may be shutting the door in a quiet room in your home and watching 20-30 minutes of comedy, doing mindfulness meditation, going to your favorite yoga class, to church to pray with your community of support, getting together with a best friend to have tea at a favored cafe, taking a walk in nature or going to the gym to burn off your stress on the treadmill!! :). Whatever nourishes your spirit, do it! With your needs met first you will then have the energy you need to care for others.
Of course, it is always helpful if you can get some respite care so that you have help caring for your loved ones. Get creative and invite your spouse to problem solve on reasonable options that work for everyone. You may work out a plan with other members of your family or friends where you help each other out with daycare on complementary workdays, babysitting, or after school pick up. If your child has a disability and requires lots of care, it may mean that you hire a private duty home health aide to provide care a few hours per day or several days per week. During that time, you may be able to take a short walk while they are providing the home health care. If, for some, you have home hospice, respite care is an element of that service that you can take advantage of so you can work out a schedule each week.
Having a North Star of health habits can make a difference in how we are able to sustain ourselves for the long term, but it is not enough. As many women are caregivers for others, may we take a pause this Thanksgiving to give thanks to honor the service and sacrifice of CAREGIVERS for all they have done for the families of this world every day, often without pay and at times without support. Even the strong need support at times, so this month, may you find time to support the caregivers who give so much of themselves to their children, their aging parents as well as often volunteering in the community. It also helps caregivers to feel better to know they are appreciated and to receive support for the hard work they do every day to care for a loved one who is sick, recovering from surgery or who has a chronic illness especially if they are also caring for their kids, trying to hold down a job or may have a chronic illness themselves. It is critical to be in a Community of Support in order to maintain health for the long term and prevent burnout which can lead to one’s own illness.
Speaking of being in a Community of Support, please join us at a Virtual workshop from the comfort of your own home on Thursday, November 7, 2024, from 7:30pm-9:00pm EST/10-11:30pm PST where we will discuss,
“Clean Living and Detoxing Your Environment for Good Health” through the Needham Community Education Program. We will discuss our homes including our yards, work and play environments for ways in which we can have a greater awareness minimizing toxins in our environment for the good of ourselves and especially for our children who are more impacted by these toxic chemicals.
Pre-Registration is required. To Sign up for this Workshop go to:
I will speak more about this in my Radio Show I am doing on Tuesday, November 19, 2024 @ 2:30pm EST/ 11:30am PST with Dr Pat Baccilli at Transformation Talk Radio (TTR). If you would like to learn more, come join us, it is Free to listen in!! Hope to see you there! Just click on this link: https://www.transformationtalkradio.com/host/aurelie-catherine-cormier-np,527.html
You can visit my webpage where you can access all the Archived sessions @ Intentional Wellness©™ Parenting. You can find it at: www.aureliecormier.com
You will see my October and November Blogs on the Home Page
https://aureliecormier.com/october-2024-dreaming-of-a-world-dedicated-to-breast-health/
and another section on Transformation Talk Radio, as noted above!
Hope you have a Fun, Rejuvenating and Adventure-filled October & November!!
Here is to your Good, Better, Best Health through the Power of your Intentional Wellness©™ Parenting
Winning Every Living day through Love, Nutrition, Exercise, Serenity & Spirituality so you can do more of what you love and spend less time being sick!